Well, quite frankly, I have been SUPER slack in my devotional times lately. Kids, work, house, erands..pretty much EVERYTHING has been put in front of a one-on-one time with the Lord.
Even when I was in our ladies bible study, and our moms and tots bible study, I was always SO behind, that I eventually would give up. Most books etc, require such a large time frame per day, and I would dread it every day...I didn't have TIME for these things. Although I DO think they are good for some lifestyles, my honest opinion is they are ::not:: for me. In the end, they did me harm, because of the expectation of the study itself being so intense, and maybe when I don't have children and noises 24/7 in my life, the Lord will open those opportunities to me again.
A dear friend of mine encouraged me the other day, and it brought tears to me eyes...she said, the Lord had spoken to her, "There will be a time where you can be at my feet again". Our Father KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS where we are with our children and family, because he gave them to us! I believe there is a completely healthy balance we can have as mamas and wives.
Let me give you an example...........
My aunt and uncle are in the Philippines as missionaries, and I remember my aunt telling me how every DAY is an adventure. You may have *nothing*, but you have this total excitement, that that day you will witness a miracle. God has left circumstance in such a way, that he HAS to perform a miracle...for food, for safety, for clothes. Because of this, you find all throughout your day, you never cease praying...it makes the scripture, "Pray unceasingly.." (1 Thes. 5:17) makes SO much more sense! Your prayers literally never end, it is a constant open conversation. You never need to say "amen", because He is always there...throughout your day.
Now, translate this to mommyhood.
I am in CONSTANT need of replenishment, of energy, of wisdom (acedemic AND spiritual!), emotional stability, creativity for meals....Basically, God has left circumstances in such a way, that he HAS to perform a miracle!!! :)
Now, I love the idea of finding that peaceful spot, that refuge, that solid 2 hour block of being like Mary, at Jesus' feet listening to his wisdom and a quiet of prayer and meditation....but, that is NOT where God has me right now, and I do myself harm to try to force my life into that box.
Maybe, just maybe...its okay! He has something different for me, because my life is unique. But that doesn't mean I have to sacrifice a relationship with my Heavenly Father! It means I can be free to find his unique plan for our relationship is!
When Jon and I were courting long-distance, it was very hard, but as soon as we had our responsibilities taken care of (work, church, etc.), we were able to have long evening conversations on the phone, and many e-mails each week, when one of us would be sleeping, the other awake (3 hour time difference).
Now, we are married...an even MORE intimate relationship, and yet, we NEVER e-mail each other, and rarely talk on the phone. Why?
Because we LIVE together. We go through our day together...he knows my heart, what I do...he sees me cooking supper, we laugh at our children's antics, and he gets to see my creations the moment they come off the hook, or the sewing machine and the threads are cut...
I am SO thankful that my God sees my day..my whole day...he spends it with me, through all the craziness, mayhem, blessings...if I can open up my life to him, welcoming him into my day throughout the day, I now am not Mary OR Martha.........I am Heather. The wife of a rancher, the mother of Jason, Tyler, Micah, and Emily, the owner of a sewing business, the keeper of my 3 bedroom home, the keeper of my garden, the caregiver of our chickens.
I still fall DAILY, but guess what? I have a new game plan....one that I CAN do. I can "Walk with the King", as Courtney from Women Living Well always says...I can do that every day.
Now, I am in a online study group, but there is no absolute requirements with it...if the kids sleep in, I can read, write, pray...and its on Proverbs 31...going verse by verse. The only real goal I have set for myself, is reading the scripture that day when I get online. If its just one of those days...if everything is going wrong...just 1 or 2 verses will sustain me. I can meditate on them all day, and even if that's ALL I CAN DO, I know he is here, and he knows, and..it is enough! In fact, it is more than enough..this is my custom-made devotion plan from my Father, so it is BEST ♥
Love,
Heather
